


Just One Touch

by anotheranimefan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, College AU, Established Relationship, Fluff, I'm not sure how good this is because I write everything when I'm half asleep, If You Squint - Freeform, Levi has commitment issues - just a warning, M/M, Modern AU, More ships to come maybe, Nightmares, Past Character Death, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Reunion, Side Jeanmarco, Soulmates AU, ill add tags as i write, kind of, minor manga spoilers, mostly Eren and Levi's but there are some others in there, multipile PoVs, side mikannie
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-02-04 01:09:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 18,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12760014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anotheranimefan/pseuds/anotheranimefan
Summary: It is said that when you meet your true love—your soulmate—you regain memories of a past life you spent together. Eren is a college student just trying to get by in life with no desire to find his soulmate.But one day, after helping his friend Armin at work, he is walking home and accidentally bumps into a stranger. What he doesn't anticipate when he brushes shoulders with him, though, is a torrent of lost memories coming back to him—memories of a terrifying, cruel world that was ruled by death and memories of something that had somehow become love.





	1. just one touch can change it all

_When I saw your face, I felt like I'd known you longer than I'd been alive._

* * *

Eren Jaeger regretted his decision the night before to leave the sound on on his phone. He was awoken at who-the-hell-knows AM by the loud and piercing noise of the preset ringtone.

"Ughhhhh," he moaned, pulling his blankets over his eyes, shielding any daylight that dared to show itself. He'd had trouble sleeping last night. Again.

It was those faceless dreams that'd shown up once again. Those dreams where he saw no images but he felt things. Love and loss and hate and anger and pain and tragedy and passion and apathy and fear and bravery and everything in between. Those dreams were swallowing, they choked the air from his lungs. But they were nothing at all, except for feelings.

He'd had them more and more frequently ever since he was ten years old. It had originally only occurred once a month or so but now, 9 years on, they happened almost every single night.

Shaking himself out of his thoughts and realising that he was actually thankful of being free of the terrors of sleep, he shoved his hand under his pillow and pulled out his vibrating phone.

Three missed calls. Five text messages. Perfect.

Eren groaned. The sender was Armin. Had he forgotten something he was supposed to do for the latter?

Another call was incoming. Eren answered without hesitation.

"Hello... Armin?" he asked, if not a little sheepishly, not to mention tiredly.

"Eren? Where are you?" came the slightly alarmed voice of his best friend. It certainly brought Eren out of his post-sleep haze.

"I just woke up."

"WHAT?" Armin nearly screeched. "Eren! You said you'd help me with my shift since Annie is off work today! It's been an hour since it started!"

Oh shit. Come to think of it, he did sort of remember promising Armin that the week before. However, since then he'd been drowning in college work and thoughts about his strange dreams.

"I'll just come now!" Eren hurriedly said, before hanging up and dragging himself out of bed. He threw on the first clothes he could find and left the house as quickly as he could.

Damn it, he thought as he jogged along in the direction of Armin's workplace—Smith's Books, a small bookshop in the centre of town. Why am I so forgetful? Armin's gonna be really pissed off.

* * *

Eren arrived, heaving and out of breath, at the bookshop ten minutes later. Armin stood outside the door, looking neither angry nor pleased to see Eren.

"Eren? Did you sleep in again?" he asked as Eren regained his breath.

"Of course I did," Eren sighed. "It was those dreams that woke me up in the night and I didn't get back to sleep until six."

Armin knew full well what those dreams were, so he didn't move to reprimand or scold Eren. "Please just set your alarm next time. I don't want my boss getting angry with me, especially since i promised that I would have someone fill in for Annie."

"I'm sorry," Eren muttered, and that was that.

Armin got back to work at the till after instructing Eren to put new books up on the bookshelves. It certainly wasn't very exciting - but working never was.

An hour passed, and Eren was still sorting books out. He was beginning to wonder why he'd agreed to this in the first place, but he could now remember how desperate Armin had sounded. He'd said that it would only be for a few hours; one of his coworkers was coming in at noon.

It was eleven now, so only an hour left. He supposed he owed his friend this much—Armin had done so much for Eren in the past.

He yawned, placing yet another book onto the shelves. He really needed to get a good night's sleep. And today was Saturday, damn it. The weekend was a time when you were supposed to sleep off all the troubles of the week.

Eren absentmindedly brought the next book out of the large box and gazed at the cover, wondering if he knew the book.

He froze and dropped the book as if it were hot coals. He hadn't even got the chance to look at the title or author, but one look at the cover image and it sent something like pain shooting through him.

It wasn't actual pain—but something along the lines of intense feeling, like he could remember it so clearly that he could almost feel it.

He stood like that, frozen, for a few minutes. Once he'd eventually calmed himself, he placed the book on the shelf without so much as a peek at it.

He didn't not want to feel those feelings ever again. They were like dreams, except worse.

The cover hadn't been very special from the brief look he's got; it'd been a wide area of grass dotted with trees and a winding river, a large, looming wall in the background. Just what about those images could have caused him to feel such a way?

"Eren, are you okay?" asked Armin, who'd just approached him.

"I'm fine," Eren replied.

"Eren," Armin said, concern lacing his words. "You're crying."

* * *

Eren left an hour later, once Armin's coworkers appeared. He'd asked Armin if he was okay with being left, and the latter had told him to go and get some sleep. There was an author coming for a book signing at 2, but Armin insisted he could handle it now the others had come.

Eren couldn't refuse a chance to get some rest. He felt like a dead man walking.

So, now he jogged through the heavy rain that had finally began to pour, after threatening all morning. It soaked though his clothes and his hair clung to his forehead, dripping water down his nose. Just his luck that it had to rain when he'd forgotten his jacket.

Damn it.

His thoughts drifted back to the book he'd seen and the feelings—painful, terrible feelings—that he'd felt.

Where were they coming from?

Eren had a theory, but he wasn't sure if it was correct.

In this world, everyone had a soulmate. Some never met them, but some did—roughly fifty percent of the population. And, when you saw the face, or, in some cases, touched them, the memories of the past life you'd shared together came back to both of you. Because, you see, soul mates were a thing that transcended the ephemerality of life. Some kind of a bond tied you together throughout however many incarnations you may have lived through.

Eren did not understand that concept, nor was he sure he would ever find his own. But, his hopes had risen when six months ago, his friend (friend was a loose term) Jean had met a boy called Marco and soon after, they had announced themselves to be in a relationship. Ever since that day, Jean had looked at Eren a little differently. He'd even begun to call Eren by the name suicidal bastard, something Eren did not understand. Although, he thought Jean must have surely remembered some kind of a past life, where maybe even Eren himself was present. Eren hadn't dared to ask, however, considering the look Jean sometimes got on his face. Something so uncharacteristic of the arrogant asshole Eren had always deemed him as.

There were said to be three ways in which you remembered, the way your remembered depending completely on chance.

The first—you remembered your entire past life and every aspect of it, from the moment you were born to the moment you died.

The second—you remembered only the life you had with your soulmate, from the moment you met to the moment you parted. Memories of others would only appear by chance.

The third—you remembered merely snapshots. Important moments, unimportant ones. It didn't seem to matter. The range could go from only a few to nearly everything.

Eren wasn't sure which one he liked best.

However, he'd heard that sometimes before you even met your soulmate, you could get a small amount of memories or maybe even just feelings you'd felt in your previous life, if you are near—not touching—your soulmate at any time.

Maybe that's what he'd felt in his dreams and when he'd seen that book. If that was so, then what had caused the book to trigger something? Did it have something to do with his past life?

Now that he thought of it, it seemed pretty plausible.

Eren, being so caught up in his thoughts, didn't notice when he bumped into someone.

"Hey! Watch where you're going, kid!" the stranger said.

"Sorr—," Eren began. But then he saw the stranger's face.

A face that he recognised and one that he didn't. He knew he'd never seen the man in front of him in his life, but he knew that face.

The man had dark hair and stormy grey eyes that were narrowed in anger—presumably because Eren had knocked him near off of his feet. However, terrifyingly, it was an expression Eren knew too well.

The stranger's face changed, expression turning into one of slight horror. "You..." he whispered. "I—"

Eren's eyes widened and he fell to his knees, not even noticing as the concrete grazed him. He saw pictures—hundreds, thousands, millions of them. He heard a familiar voice say his name. He saw his face; the man in front of him. He felt rage. An indomitable, fiery rage. But he also felt love. Painful, forbidden love. He felt soft lips touch his own, stolen kisses in the moments where nobody else was looking.

They'd sworn it was just because both of them were lonely; so lonely that they'd do anything to quell it.

They'd sworn it wasn't love.

They'd both been wrong, and everything they'd had had been taken away in an instant by the great maw of one of those things. Those damn things that ripped everything away from Eren.

He gritted his teeth.

Except, despite all the blood and the death, there were still moments. Peaceful moments where they exchanged hushed conversations in the dead of night, revealing to each other things they'd never said before.

Eren still felt it - the love, the passion, the anger towards those damned titans.

And finally, he had a name for the stranger he'd suddenly begun to love.

"Levi... Levi Heichou?"

 


	2. shattered memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren remembers, but things are not as he hoped with Levi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the hits and kudos and comments!!! <3

Eren's head hurt. it ached. Oh god, it ached. He saw flashes of a life he'd known once. He felt all the emotions in his dreams. Except—this time he had images to go along with it.

They had all been there, in that cruel, terrible world.  Armin, Mikasa, Jean, Sasha, Connie, Marco, Annie, Christa, Ymir, Bertholdt, Reiner.

The man he now laid his eyes on.

Someone whose name had instantly come back to him before even the memories. Levi. Levi.  _Levi_.

A name that had somehow always been on the tip of his tongue, a name that he swore he'd always, always known.

"You..." The first word Levi spoke to him since Eren had remembered. The other man seemed to have had memories return to him as well, because he, too, was standing as stiff and rigid as a statue and as unbreathing as one too. That was the only answer, right? What else would cause Levi to freeze like that?

"Levi Heichou, it's me. It's me Eren. How did... how are you...?"

"You. Who the hell are you?"

Eren's heart stopped for a moment. Levi didn't remember. Or he did, but certainly not as much as Eren.

" Eren, you said you were? You know my name. How."

"Heichou... don't you remember... anything?"

"I saw something. A few flashes of your face in my mind. That's it." At those words, relief began to flood over Eren. However, it was cut short by Levi's next words. "But you're still a stranger to me, so don't act like we've known each other over billions of lives or some shit."

"Heichou... what do you mean?"

"Don't call me that." Levi's eyes went glassy for a second before returning to their original glare.

"Levi... you know... you know about soulmates right?"

Levi narrowed his eyes.

"You know when soulmates touch or even just look at each other their memories of their past life—or lives—come back to them?"

Levi said nothing, but Eren pressed on. Surely he knew. Surely he could understand what this meant. Even though Eren was still shocked and barely processing all this new information, he still could easily work out what was going on.

"If I got memories and if you did too, then you know what it means, don't you? It means  _we're soulmates."_

Levi looked up at Eren, looking him straight in the eyes.

"I don't know what the hell just happened, but I'm nobody's long lost lover. Certainly not yours." 

Eren's eyes widened.

Could it be that, out of all the things that could have happened to him, his soulmate had rejected him?

Levi pushed past him and continued walking away until he was no more than a speck on the horizon.

Eren had a nagging feeling that Levi wasn't telling him something.

* * *

Levi gritted his teeth as he walked away. It had taken all of his will to leave like that and say those harsh words to Eren.

But he couldn't let him know.

He couldn't let him know that he knew damn well about how soulmates worked.

He couldn't let him know that since that day 9 years ago he'd remembered their lives, their deaths and everything in between.

He couldn't believe he'd let his guard down like that and let the kid see him. Eren hadn't remembered that day, probably because he'd been too young, but now he'd certainly remembered. Everything.

Levi mentally chastised himself. Damn it. He was an idiot.

Now there was a chance that he could lose the one he loved all over again.

He'd ruined everything he'd tried so hard to keep together over the past few years.

He was feeling brittle once again. Any kind of strength he'd had, or any barrier he'd built around himself had faded away into nothing at the mere sight of Eren Jaeger and his sea green eyes.

Eren would probably come after him, he knew that. He'd have to keep his guard up -- hide away from him at all costs.

He couldn't put him in danger.

Not after what happened that day.

* * *

Reluctantly, Eren called Jean minutes later. He spoke two words before Jean agreed to meet with him.

_I remembered._

He arrived at the apartment Jean and his soulmate Marco shared half an hour later.

"I saw everything," Eren said as soon as he was over the doorstep. "Those... those damned Titans that took everything from us."

A haunted look passed over Jean's eyes momentarily. It was gone before it was entirely there.

Eren knew now. He knew what gave Jean that look.

Marco. He'd died —been eaten by one of those monsters. Early on, as well.

"So, what, you found your soulmate?"

"Yeah." Despite the assent, Eren's words had an edge of uncertainty, he knew that. Levi had told him he'd remembered only a few images.

It proved that they were soulmates, didn't it? But it didn't convince Levi at all. In fact, it had frankly had the opposite effect.

"Who is it?"

Eren's breathing hitched. No one had known. Nobody had known about his and Levi's stolen moments and their clandestine kisses.

"Armin?" Jean asked. "Mikasa?"

"I've touched both of them before, you idiot."

"I always wanted mine to be Mikasa." Jeans confession wasn't a surprise to Eren. Until he'd met Marco, Jean had been well and truly smitten for Eren's adopted sister. "But I'm happy with Marco, now. Suicidal Bastard, who's your soulmate?"

"It's—"

Those moments that nobody else knew about. Those moments where Eren finally felt something like whole.

A captain and his subordinate — it was ridiculous.

Humanity's strongest soldier and Humanity's last hope —it was fitting.

"My soulmate is Levi."

"WHAT?"

"He rejected me though. Told me he only got a couple of images."

"What? You're actually telling me that you're soulmates with him?"

"Why the hell would I be kidding, horse-face?"

"Who are you calling horse-face you suicidal—"

"You damn—"

"Calm down, guys!" the voice of Marco caused both Eren and Jean to turn around with their fists poised over each other's faces.

Jean immediately relented, letting Eren's shirt go and sitting down on the nearest chair.

A minute later, after Eren had calmed himself down, Jean spoke once more.

"Are you serious?"

"Of course I am." Eren folded his arms in an attempt to keep himself from (nearly) punching Jean again.

"And he rejected you?"

"He told me I'm not his long lost love and left."

"Eren do you—?"  _Do you love him._

"If I didn't love him then why would we be soulmates?"

"Back in the walls, was there anything? Did anything happen?"

"After shiganshina. We were both lonely and before we knew it, it became something more than mutual loneliness."

Jean looked to be holding back laughter.

Eren clenched his fists. It was taking everything in him to keep from punching the asshole. Instead, he gritted his teeth and spoke.

"What about Marco? Did you love him back then?"

"I didn't know it until it was too late."

Eren felt guilty. Although, it was never anything that could match the guilt that always seemed to swamp Jean.

"I knew," Marco said, his face reminiscent of a sheet. "I realised it that day when I— when I died."

Eren had realised he'd loved Levi not long before his own demise, too.

"Eren, if you're soulmates and you really do feel something, then keep chasing him."

He looked up at Jean, surprised that he was actually being helpful for once.

"Maybe he just said that to keep you safe or out of danger. I know when I met Marco, I was scared he would get hurt. So much so that I could barely look at him in case I saw his... body again."

Eren's eyes widened. Jean's words made actual sense, somehow.

"If you love him, then he surely loves you back. If you're soulmates, then there's no doubt about it. Maybe Levi Heichou just needs some convincing."

"You know what, thanks Jean. Maybe you're not quite as much of an asshole than I thought."

"As much?" Jean echoed. "You—!"

* * *

Eren wandered back to his apartment, as if in a daze. So much had happened in the space of so little time. It was almost too much for him to handle.

Should he tell everyone that he'd remembered?

Would he have to tell them how his soulmate reacted?

No. He would first find Levi and try to convince him, maybe try to make him remember. After all, he'd heard that sometimes it took a little while to do so.

He just needed some time. 


	3. liar, liar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren talks with Mikasa and Armin, dreams, and remembers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg 51 kudos already and theres only 2 chapters! thank you so much everyone T_T T_T i'm so glad you like it! <3 <3 <3 sorry the wait was a little longer than before as well :( I'll try to be more punctual with my next upload

Eren spent the next day doing nothing. It was Sunday, after all. You're supposed to be lazy all day and then realise at two am, in a panic, that you have class the next morning and haven't studied at all.

By the time Monday morning came, Eren woke to the frantic vibrating of his phone once again.

"Eren GET UP! We have class in half an hour!" came Armin's equally frantic voice from the other end.

 _Damn it,_  Eren thought.  _Not again_.

* * *

After hurrying to gather his things and throw some clothes on, Eren ran out of his apartment and out onto the street, where he settled for a brisk walk.

It was strange, that after all the events of Saturday that he was supposed to go back to normal as if nothing had happened.

As if he hadn't met his soulmate, remembered an entire life, and been rejected on top of that.

He wasn't sure how he would face Mikasa and Armin. They knew nothing of the world they'd all lived in, since they hadn't met their soulmates yet. 

He'd decided he wouldn't tell them. That was a little easier said than done. They were the only people he could truly rely on and they knew him better than anything. Maybe keeping everything that had happened hidden would be impossible if they could tell something was wrong.

Eren approached his college campus, checking the time on his phone. Phew, he was 5 minutes early for his lecture, and it was only two minutes walk.

He'd managed to arrive on time. Somehow.

* * *

Eren met Mikasa and Armin at lunchtime in a small cafe they often frequented. He'd been right; they could tell they knew something was up. It was obvious when, as they were sitting down, Mikasa asked, "Eren, is there something bothering you?"

"What? N—no." He wasn't a good liar.

"Eren, what's wrong?"

How could he tell them?

"Is it to do with your dreams?" asked Armin.

Maybe he should tell them.

Eren nodded gingerly, completely disregarding his resolve to keep everything hidden until he talked to Levi.

"Have they got worse?" Mikasa questioned.

Eren shook his head. "They aren't dreams anymore."

Both Mikasa and Armin's eyes widened. They obviously knew what that insinuated.

"Have you...?" Armin began.

"I met my soulmate," Eren said before Armin could finish. Those words, although so there were only four of them, seemed to put a storm cloud over their table.

"Really?"

"The dreams—they were snapshots, usually just of emotions I felt. Snapshots of the life we lived before... this."

"Where is your soulmate?" Mikasa asked.

"That's the thing." Eren laughed nervously. "He didn't accept me. Or he didn't accept that we were soulmates."

"Why?" Armin enquired, a look of bewilderment crossing his face. "That  never usually happens."

"I remembered everything—well, nearly everything. But he—I don't think he remembered much. Told me he just saw a few images in his mind. Because of that, he didn't believe we were soulmates and dismissed me." It hurt thinking of it. How Levi could have just walked away like that, even if he barely remembered. Surely, even if he didn't remember, then he would have felt something? 

Mikasa gritted her teeth. "Asshole. Maybe you're better off without him."

"No. I won't give up. I'll persist. Because, I think I actually love him. the things I felt back there, back in that place, they're still here. The fire burns just as brightly. Or even more, now."

"I trust your judgement, Eren. But please—don't hurt yourself in the process. And don't waste your time on someone who'll never care for you."

"I won't. I promise, Mikasa."

"If it's alright to ask, what was this world you lived in like?"

"It was—," Eren faltered, gripping his spoon tightly. "It was cruel. So much crueller than this one. It was different, but in some ways the same. We were all still together. Mikasa, you were still my adopted sister. Armin, you were still our best friend."

Armin smiled sadly. "I'm glad those things don't change."

"Me too," said Eren. It had been a relief to know that even in another world he still stuck with his two dearest friends.

A weight felt as if it had been lifted off of his shoulders. Honestly, Eren was glad he'd told them.

"I have an idea," said Armin, "about how we can convince your soulmate to accept you."

"Really?" Eren queried, hope beginning to bubble up inside him.

"Yes, and this is how."

* * *

Thirteen was said to be the age you were viable to meet your soulmate, or rather, to remember your previous life. It was unclear why exactly; many tests had been done, but none had proved successful.

It was not said, however, what happened if your soulmate was under that age and you were over it.

When they'd first met in this world, Levi had been fourteen.

Eren had only been ten.

It had happened on a dreary February morning. Levi had been trudging towards school—a place that he'd thoroughly despised. He'd been walking as slow as he possibly could, so as to somehow delay his arrival. Even a little bit of time was enough if it meant he could evade that hell a little longer. 

He'd been young then, so young. And he'd been so  _hopeful._ So full of life. So innocent. 

Now—he didn't know. It was impossible for those things to remain under the things he'd remembered and everything that had happened since then. That part of Levi, the part that had only ever existed in this world, had died that day.

As he'd been shuffling his feet along the pavement as slow as humanly possible, he'd bumped into a kid. A wide eyed kid that looked to be about ten years old, but was near in height to Levi, who was impatiently awaiting his growth spurt (that still hadn't arrived). Levi had stood as tall as he possibly could, and looked the kid square in the eyes, ready to tell him off. But instead, when he met his green, green eyes, Levi froze on the spot.

Memories, thousands of them, flooded into his mind in a surge.  If his then current memories were a river, then his past memories were a massive dam behind it. And the wall had been breached, drowning everything; drowning him.

The kid had showed no reaction, just asking, "are you okay?"

Levi hadn't replied. He'd walked straight home and sat in his room all day, thinking over every damn memory.

After that, everything had changed. Nobody had known what to do with him. He'd even been sent to a psychiatrist, but that had had no effect in the slightest.

He hadn't told them it was because he'd met his soulmate. To this day, nobody knew except for a trusted few.

Levi had sworn to himself a few years ago that he wouldn't go near Eren again, that he would leave him in his blissful ignorance forever. It was better that than to relive all the pain, cruelty, and tragedy of  their previous lives. He couldn't inflict it on him.

That was why he'd stayed away—until for a moment he'd let his guard down and  _actually fucking walked headfirst into Eren._

It was if the planet hated him. It probably did.

Or it was some kind of fate string pulling. But Levi didn't believe in fate. Nor in destiny. It was all glorified bullshit in his opinion.

He'd thought the same about soulmates until he'd been faced with the problem of his memories. Or even, past that. He'd only actually begun to believe in soulmates when Eren had remembered. It was proof that somehow love could transcend life. 

But that didn't mean he would act on it. He could still keep Eren safe, somehow. By playing the fool and hoping it would work out. That was all he could do, now.

Some defiant part of him thought,  _there were also beautiful moments._

Like the ones he'd spent with Eren.

But Levi ignored that side of him, in case it weakened his resolve. He wouldn't let Eren know.

He wouldn't tell him that he remembered everything.

* * *

Eren's memory dreams had not stopped, somehow. But now they were different. Now they were no longer feelings from a faraway land, forever out of his reach; they were memories of his current life.

Eren had been ten, walking towards school, when he'd bumped into a stranger.

"Sorry," Eren'd mumbled, looking up at them.

It was a boy of maybe twelve—although Eren was never good at guessing ages. He had dark hair and grey eyes reminiscent of storm-clouds and he held a school bag just like Eren did.  
But those things weren't what caught his attention.

It was the look that had just come over his face, that showed mostly in his eyes. A look of horror, of terror, of dispair. And it was at something Eren could not see. That expression burned itself into Eren's mind and never left. 

"Are you okay?" he'd asked, a little apprehensively.

But the boy had not responded. Instead, he turned around and walked back in the direction he'd come from.

The night after their encounter, Eren's dreams had begun.

* * *

Eren jolted awake, eyes opening wide as he gasped for air.

Levi. The boy he'd met nine years ago had been Levi. 

And he'd remembered.

They said, if you met your soulmate before the age of thirteen, you wouldn't remember properly, but you might experience some small memories or just  _feelings_. That must have been Eren's dreams.

And then, a shattering realisation came over him: Levi had been lying this entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!! <3 comments and kudos are really appreciated!! hope you all liked it :)


	4. regrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi has second thoughts and Mikasa meets someone she never wanted to meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait!!! also sorry this chapter is short. 
> 
> thanks for all the kudos and comments! you all are amazing haha <3

Their plan, it seemed, had been for nothing.

Eren informed Mikasa and Armin about his dream at lunch the next day.

"Why would he do that?" Armin asked through a mouthful of sandwich.

"Maybe he did it so I wouldn't have to remember..." Eren paused, "all that."

"But now you've remembered. And he feigned ignorance," Mikasa put in.

"The world we lived in, we all lived in, it was terrible. I watched my mother be eaten by a monster right in front of me. I can still remember the crack of her bones breaking in its mouth and the blood droplets that flew through the air. I can always see it. Those damned things—the Titans—took everything from us. They killed our friends, our family, our comrades. And in the end they killed us, too."

Mikasa and Armin blanched.

"I think, maybe, he thinks that even though I can remember, he can still keep the worst away from me by staying away."

"How can we convince him?" Armin asked.

"I think... only I can do that," Eren admitted. "He must think that he did nothing good for me, that it was his fault that I—"

The looming maw of a giant. A scream, so far away. And then nothing.

"Never mind. Just—I need to tell him. That I loved him, that I still do. That that will never, ever change."

"If this is your only chance," Mikasa said, "then do it Eren. Do it."

_Levi Heichou... I'm coming. I swear it._

* * *

Levi didn't like to admit it, but his resolve was weakening, just a little bit.

"Leeeevviiiii," came an irritatingly familiar voice.

He did not look up. "What is it Hanji," Levi said, wording it as a statement instead of a question.

"You've been sitting looking gloomy for three hours now," she replied.

"Go finish your PhD or whatever the hell you waste your time doing."

Hanji sighed fondly, which irritated him to no bounds. "You're vexed, Levi. Thus, you're acting considerably more grumpy than usual."

"Fuck off, Hanji."

"See. Do some cleaning to clear your mind. That always helps you doesn't it?"

As much as he hated to admit it, that actually didn't sound like a bad idea.

As it turned out, cleaning did clear his mind. Levi mopped the floor of his kitchen, methodically dipping the mop in a bucket of soapy water.

He felt as though, somehow, his whole body was rejecting his decision. His heart ached to see Eren again, to touch him, to feel him. To know he was still alive. He longed to taste his lips once more, like those stolen moments a whole lifetime ago. He longed to look into his eyes, green and blue and gold all at the same time. Feelings were something he tried his hardest to quell, but as he did that, they only grew more and more. It was intoxicating. It drowned him. He could not surface in the ocean that was his feelings for Eren Jaeger. And he hated it.

And yet, he'd sworn to himself that he would make every decision without regrets. However, that was all he was starting to feel.

For once in his life, Levi Ackerman did not know what to do.

* * *

 

"How will we find him?" Eren asked despairingly.

"We'll help," Armin replied. Mikasa raised her eyebrows as if to say, will we?

"You will?" It would certainly be easier to track down Levi if there were two others on the case.

"First off—what's his name?"

Eren had forgotten that they didn't know. That they didn't remember everything he did. His knowledge, he thought, was a lonely thing.

"It's Levi."

"Levi what?"

"What do you mean?"

"We need to know his last name if we're going to track him down."

Eren paused for a second, considering. He had to tell them if there was going to be any chance of finding Levi. "Levi Ackerman," he said carefully, watching Mikasa's expression change.

"What do you mean?" she asked. "Your soulmate and I... we're related?"

Well, there went the chance that Mikasa possibly knew him.

"No—I mean, yes. You aren't siblings or anything, we'll you'd probably know that, but you're... some kind of cousins. I think."

"Oh," Mikasa said, obviously disliking that fact. "I've never heard of a relation called Levi."

Thought so.

"Armin? Have you heard of any... Levi Ackermans?"

"Actually," Armin began. "I might know something. On Saturday, the day you met your soulmate, an upcoming author of science books named Hanji Zoe came to do a signing. She brought a friend with her. He was introduced as Levi and he didn't speak at all, only glared at me a few times. It was kind of unnerving. Does that sound anything like your soulmate?"

"That was him, for sure," Eren said, a hopeful smile beginning to cross his face. "If we can find Squad Leader Hanji, then we can find Levi Heichou."

"What do you mean... Squad leader? Heichou?" Armin asked, confused.

"Oh," Eren said, realising his mistake. "That was... that was what they were back then." He kept forgetting Mikasa and Armin didn't know. If only they could find their soulmates, too.

No, it was for the best they couldn't remember. It would only hurt them.

* * *

 

Eren, Mikasa, and Armin arrived at the bookshop Armin worked at.

"In here, I'm sure we'll find contact information for Hanji Zoe, and through her, we can arrange a meeting with your soulmate. If all goes well."

Eren nodded. It was a good plan B. Hopefully it would work and he would get to see Levi.

They went inside, the bookshop's interior the same as ever. One of Armin's coworkers stood behind the desk, looking a little bored.

Annie, Eren thought her name was.

"Annie, I was wondering, where can I find the information on all the authors we've had and are having for signings? I need to check something."

"It's on the computer," Annie replied. "In the folder "authors". You should at least know that if you work here."

"I've only been working here for a month," Armin muttered. "Thanks Annie."

Hope was beginning to well up in Eren. Things were going well.

Armin walked over in the direction of the back room, disappearing behind its door seconds later.

"Let's go, Mikasa," Eren said to his adopted sister. She said nothing.

Looking at her, he noticed she wasn't moving. She was frozen, in some kind of shock, her eyes as wide as they could open.

"Mikasa?" he asked again worriedly.

Eren glanced over to Annie, but his gaze lasted longer than he thought it would. Annie bore a mirrored look of horror.

"Eren," Mikasa whispered. "I remember everything."

* * *

 

Mikasa Ackerman had never wanted a soulmate.

Every time the thought popped into her mind, she would reject it instantly. She had Eren. He was enough. She had Armin, too.

She had no need for a destined lover from some far off world.

But then, on that day, while searching for Eren's soulmate (ironic, wasn't it?) she'd crossed eyes with sometime from another life.

And she'd remembered.

She'd remembered how her parents had been murdered in front of her eyes.

How Eren and her had killed the men who'd done it, and in the instance of a moment, something had awoken inside her.

How Eren's mother was eaten by one of those things right in front of their eyes. It had happened again

And again.

And again.

Until it had been ripped away from her one last time, and that had been enough to kill her.

The funny thing was, Mikasa's memories had been awoken when she'd caught sight of one of the enemy.

Annie.

In the past world, Mikasa did not remember loving Annie for a second. And yet, it was what she felt the world was pushing onto her. She did not want it.

Mikasa Ackerman did not live Annie Leonhardt. She was sure of it.


	5. rain and blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi dreams of memories, Eren talks to Hanji, and Mikasa does not love Annie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's my birthday today! happy birthday to me haha! hope you guys enjoy this chapter!! <3

It had rained that day.

Levi could remember so clearly. It had been just like that other day.

It the rain had soaked through his clothes to the skin, causing unwelcome shivers to overcome him.

It had dripped off the ends of his hair and into his eyes, looking somewhat like tears.

It was strangely fitting.

The blood was hot in comparison to the icy rain. It coated his hands, from when he'd been trying to stop the bleeding.

It tainted the one thing that had always remained clean and pure in his mind. It ruined it. It ruined all he'd ever built up.

Levi screamed, half out of anger and half out of despair. He screamed until his voice was hoarse and his throat was raw. He screamed loud enough that everyone else could probably hear him and come running.

But it wasn't as if he cared.

He looked down, eyes stinging and half obscured by dripping hair. He looked to what lay in his arms, limp and red, red, red. It was a what, not a who. Never a who. Something this unmoving could not be a person.

Why was it, on days where Levi lost everything that it rained? Did the world have a cruel sense of humour or did it just flat out hate him? From everything he'd experienced, the latter was most likely.

Eren did not breathe. He hadn't for a while. His previously sparkling green eyes, filled with love and hope and passion and anger all at once were now blank. Lifeless.

Dead.

Eren was dead.

Levi's eyes shot open and he gasped for air.

"Levi? Are you all right?" came the concerned voice of his friend (a loose term) Hanji.

He returned to reality. It had been a dream. A dream. He was in his kitchen, sitting at the table. His neck and shoulders was stiff and aching from the position he'd been in, slumped against the tabletop.

Levi remembered now. He'd somehow fallen asleep after an entire night of cleaning, a few hours after dawn. Hanji had seemingly let herself on while he was sleeping.

Relief flooded over him. Those things he saw—or rather, that thing—they were from somewhere else. Another world. Another life.

They were long, long gone.

But it didn't make it any less true.

"I'm fine, Hanji," he replied irritably. "Why the hell are you here?"

"You were having a nightmare?" Hanji pressed, not answering his question.

"It's none of your damn business."

"Memories? Of that world? With those fascinating enigmas named the Titans?"

Hanji was overly interested in Levi's past life. She constantly asked questions about it, despite never getting anything out of him. Ever since the day he'd let it slip out, he'd regretted it.

"What else would it be?" There was no use denying it. Even Hanji knew what he dreamed about.

Hanji sighed, leaning against the table. "You want too see him, Levi. I know you do. You should stop trying to force yourself into believing you're making the right choice by ignoring him."

"I'm doing what's best."

"Are you sure?"

Anger came over Levi. How would Hanji know what he should and shouldn't do? She didn't know anything about that hell he'd lived in aside for his own filtered descriptions. Hanji had never met her soulmate, despite her never-ending search for them, so there was no way she could possibly understand.

But, that same defiant part of him wanted to see Eren regardless of how much pain it would cause both of them. That was the part of him that loved Eren with all its heart. That was the part of him that he'd thought had died along with Eren on that rainy day. But with Eren, it still lived.

That part of Levi was a fool, but it was beginning to prevail over his rational side.

* * *

 

Annie. The Female Titan. That was who Armin's coworker was, Eren realised in an instant.

And somehow, she was also Mikasa's soulmate.

"You," Annie breathed, looking from Mikasa to Eren and back again.

Mikasa's previous words echoed in Eren's head.

I remember everything.

"Mikasa?" Eren asked, a little terrified for what her reply would be. "Your soulmate?"

Mikasa nodded briefly, not drawing her eyes away from Annie.

At that moment, Armin returned from the back room, a piece of paper gripped in his hand tightly. He surveyed the situation, giving Eren a questioning look.

Eren replied with a look that said I'll-tell-you-later.

"Armin, Eren," Mikasa began before either of them could say anything. She took her eyes away from Annie. "Let's go."

"Are you sure?" Eren asked, a little sceptically.

"Yes."

They exited the bookshop, confusion evident in Armins furrowed brow.

"Mikasa...?" he began. "What happened while I was in the back?"

"It doesn't matter," she replied dismissively.

"How can you say that?" Eren questioned. Hadn't she just remembered a cruel, terrifying life?

"Please, Eren," she implored, voice too quiet for Armin to hear. "It really isn't important at the moment."

It seemed she didn't want Armin to know what had just happened between her... and Annie.

Eren sighed in resignation, drawing his attention to Armin, who was still bewildered by the situation. "We'll talk about it later," he said quietly to the other boy, hoping that he would agree to ignore it.

Armin seemed to relent, nodding quickly. However, that confused look did not depart from his features.

"So, did you find Sqa—Hanji Zoe's contact information?" Eren queried.

Armin nodded once more. "Yeah. I printed it out. I even got her personal phone number."

That was better than expected; Eren had been a little worried they would get her agent's instead.

"Who'll call?" he asked.

"You should, Eren. You know her from your past life don't you? You can trust her with the whole situation."

Eren was about to speak when Mikasa cut over him. "He can trust her. Squad Leader Hanji is... eccentric, but certainly trustworthy."

"Mikasa, you... you remember?" Armin asked, suddenly seeming to realise what the strange situation had been inside.

Mikasa's eyes widened, and she appeared to notice her mistake.

"Your soulmate... is it... is it Annie?"

Mikasa did not reply.

Eren knew what was wrong. She couldn't believe that her soulmate was the enemy; a Titan. She was telling herself that she'd never loved Annie, back in that world. Perhaps it was true. With all the information children were told of their soulmates, one thing that was made out to be certain was that you would love them with all your heart upon seeing them.

Then, what happened if you didn't? What happened if you didn't love your soulmate like you were supposed to?

"I will never accept it," Mikasa said finally. "I may have remembered, but I will not accept her as my soulmate."

Strangely, Eren mused, her words echoed Levi's to him. Was she lying to them, then? Or to herself?

Had she ever loved Annie?

* * *

 

Hanji's phone rung at precisely 3 o'clock on Wednesday afternoon. That alone was an anomaly; her calls usually happened in the evening. Not that she got many calls, even though she was a successful author.

If that in itself wasn't strange enough, then the fact that it was an unknown number certainly was. Usually her calls came from saved contacts—Levi and Erwin and her agent Moblit—only.

Hanji picked up within an instant, anticipation building inside her. Just who could it be?

A fan? Did she even have those?

"Squad Leader—I mean, is this Hanji Zoe?" came a slightly nervous sounding voice. Male. An adult, but not old. Maybe twenty at most.

Squad Leader?

"Yes, I am Hanji Zoe," she replied, trying to keep the excitement from her voice. _Be professional, please Ms Hanji!_ chided the voice of her agent in her head. She usually got that after an overexciting science presentation. Today, she actually attempted to follow his advice. "How can I help you?"

The man on the other end paused for a second, the sound of a rattling deep breath echoing up the phone. "My name is Eren Jaeger."

The name sounded familiar to Hanji, but she couldn't place it. _Just where have I heard that before?_

Eren continued: "I'm actually phoning because I'm trying to get a hold of someone else and you are the only person I know of that knows them."

Hanji furrowed her brow. "Who are you looking for?" Erwin, maybe?

"Levi... Ackerman," Eren replied slowly.

What? Why would someone be trying to get a hold of Levi? As far as Hanji knew, his only friends were herself and Erwin, and even then she wasn't entirely sure if he actually considered them to be his friends. The only times he ever mixed with people was when she dragged him out to her book signings and he did not talk to anyone at them.

"Why do you want Levi?" she asked, now unable to keep the rising excitement out of her voice.

"I'm... I'm his soulmate."

* * *

 

Eren told Hanji everything, from details about the world with the Titans, to his and Levi's last meeting on the street that Saturday. It was strange talking to someone else he knew from then, with nothing but his memories as a reminder. Though Hanji seemed the same as ever. Her enthusiasm for Titans certainly hadn't been quelled, despite the fact she couldn't remember them at all. Eren was glad. In this world, not a lot of things were similar. In some—most—ways that was good. Like not being trapped within walls with the looming threat of being eaten. But there were some things he missed. Surprisingly, Hanji turned out to be one of them.

But Levi was still the biggest gaping hole in Eren's heart.

He missed him so much it physically hurt. Eren had only seen him twice in this new life, and that was not enough. Nowhere near it.

He wanted to feel him, to touch him. He wanted to feel Levi's breath and hear his heartbeat. He wanted to taste his lips without the rushed urgency that their kisses had always had back in their old life.

Everything had been a secret. Here, he didn't want to hide anymore.

But he was getting ahead of himself. Eren needed to see Levi for all of those things to happen, and he hadn't even done that yet.

However, with the plan he and Hanji were concocting, maybe that would be sooner than later.


	6. oceans within his eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gives in to desire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I seriously hate this chapter. hopefully you all don't haha 
> 
> thank you for the support. 115 kudos?? that's so many. and 1.18k hits?? crazy

Levi dreamed about Eren. He always did. Though somehow, tonight he didn't dream that dream with the blood and the rain. Instead, he dreamt of Eren's green and blue and gold eyes, sparkling in sunlight and starlight and moonlight and firelight. Eren was like the ocean had been back in that world. So near yet so far, so hidden yet so visible. Eren was untouchable like the ocean, fleeing from Levis grasp before he could get close enough. He was also so easy to drown in. Before Levi had known it, he was in way, way too deep and could never resurface.

But this time, Levi thought, it had been himself who'd fled from Eren's grasp. But, unlike back on that day, this could be amended.

Levi opened his eyes. A terrible plan was beginning to form in his mind. Something reckless and stupid and maybe the best idea he'd ever had.

Today, he thought as he made his tea, I'll see Eren.

He'd missed Eren too much. Way, way too much. Levi could only do so much to distract himself, and now if was becoming too hard to bear.

Now, he felt himself finally give in to that overwhelming defiant side of him.

* * *

The next morning, Eren awoke to chirping birds and no ringing phone. It was a miracle. Somehow he'd woken up early.

Though he knew why; he was antsy. Antsy about this whole plan he and Armin and Mikasa and Hanji had concocted.

If it went successfully, he would get to meet Levi face to face.

That would only be if he fell for Hanji's meddling. Knowing Levi, who was immune to any persuasion from her, it would be difficult. But Hanji thought it would work for sure. Eren only hoped so.

God. He needed to confront Levi, and badly. He needed to make him realise that no matter how many times Eren relived the hell he'd lived before, it would never be any worse than the moments he spent without Levi. Every cell in his body ached to see him. Surely Levi felt the same way. He had to.

But Eren still couldn't understand why he would do it. Why he would just pretend nothing had happened and leave like that.

Even though they were soulmates, he could not work out Levi's reasoning. But he knew there would be some. A lot of it.

He just needed to somehow break Levi out of whatever mindset he'd got himself into.

* * *

 

"Levi, pleaseeeee?" Hanji begged, practically on her knees.

"No," Levi replied shortly.

"Pleaseeeeeee!"

"I already said no. Five damn times. Shut up and leave me alone, shitty glasses. I have plans."

"Plans for what? Cleaning? Looking forlornly out the window as you think of your soulmate, maybe?"

"Fuck off."

He would not be swayed, no matter how much she grovelled at his feet. He would not go to another one of her damned book signings. The last one had been hell enough. But anyway, his plans were set in stone, by that defiant part of him. He would seek Eren out. He would not talk. Only observe. At least, that was the compromise he'd made between his rational and irrational sides. Or rather, the side that loved Eren regardless of consequence and the one that loved him, yet wanted to push him away.

It was a war inside his head these days. And it was only getting worse.

When Hanji actually got down into her knees and clasped her hands in a praying gesture, Levi had had enough.

"Leeeeeviiii," she implored.

"I said I'm busy. I'm not coming with you to whatever the hell event you have on today."

"Busy doing what?"

Levi gritted his teeth. He supposed he'd have to tell her the truth to get her off his case. "I'm going to see Eren."

Hanji instantly got to her feet, surprise (and was that glee? Damn her) etching her features. "Really?"

"Really."

And with that, Levi left to find him.

* * *

 

"The plan has been compromised," Hanji said in a totally not grave voice. In fact, she sounded kind of happy.

Eren, however, was not so cordial. "What do you mean?" he practically shrieked.

"It's been compromised in a good way. Levi is already on his way to see you."

Eren's eyes widened.

Really? Levi actually wanted to see him? His heart began to pound and a wave of butterflies surged within his stomach. A smile began to spread form on his lips.

"Thank you," he said to Hanji earnestly and hung up.

Now he would wait.

For Levi.

Like he always seemed to do.

* * *

Levi wasn't sure how, but, after he'd left his house, some kind of magnetic force had pulled him down through the streets. Where it was taking him, he hadn't known.

But now, as he looked into the window of a small cafe (not somewhere Levi would usually spend his time near), he spotted him in seat by the window nursing a large coffee.

Eren.

His brown hair was mussed like he'd just been sleeping, and his green eyes sparkled with a hope. He was beautiful. Painfully so.

Levis heart skipped a beat. He couldn't go in. He wouldn't.

But, somehow, that same force propelled him forwards until he was at the cafe's door.

It would be so easy to just leave. He could turn around and not risk talking to Eren, not risk revealing the truth. That he'd lied. That he really did remember everything and had done for years.

He felt guilty to face his lies. To see the betrayed look on Eren's face that he knew would follow.

But he couldn't stop himself.

Levi's hand pressed against the cool metal of the door handle, twisting it and pushing the door open.

He couldn't turn back.

Not now.

He couldn't leave with just a glimpse of Eren. He needed to see him. Really see him.

Eren was like a drug; just one taste had him longing for more. And it was a drug he had been addicted to for years and years, though lives and lives.

Levi stepped over the threshold, walking slowly in an attempt to quell his eagerness. And then he noticed Eren's ocean eyes locked onto his own.

There was no way he could turn back now. And Levi, for once, didn't care.

His defiant side had long since crushed the rest of him, leaving only the vehemence of his desire to see Eren.

He made his way over to him, preparing for what was to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this, then leaving a comment would be more than appreciated <3


	7. and so, we meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi get caught up in the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's chapter 7! hope you like it !!<3

Eren met eyes with Levi over the crowded, bustling café.

His heart almost stopped. No matter how many lives he lived, or how many years passed, just a simple glance at Levi could make everything grind to a halt.

The unrelenting glare of his cold grey eyes met Eren's. It was like something out of a dream—seeing him here. Even though they'd already met in this world, it still was a shock to the system. Levi set him alight and stoked the fire of his soul.

Eren had to suppress the urge to go over and engulf Levi in a hug, or even to kiss him. He knew Levi would hate if he did that. And anyway, he couldn't. Not yet, at least.

Maybe sometime. Once they'd talked. But he was getting ahead of himself thinking that. He remembered how they parted. Levi would have had to have had a complete change of heart for anything like that to take place.

"Levi Heichou. You came," Eren whispered, yearning etching his voice, despite him trying to keep it neutral.

A slight look of surprise crossed Levi's features, but it was fleeting, being replaced with his usual glare within only a moment. "How did you know?"

"Squad leader Hanji," Eren replied honestly.

"Damn that shitty glasses," Levi muttered.

Eren gave a nervous laugh.

"Eren," Levi began, "Just... just forget what I said last week."

Eren's eyebrows raised, but he left Levi to continue. That had not been what he'd expected Levi to say to him. Far, far from it in fact. Maybe he even had a chance.

"I do remember. I've known for longer than you. Nine damn years. I lied because I wanted to protect you... somehow... from that hell we lived in. I tried to keep away. I managed for a while. Until that last Saturday, when I was caught off guard. I panicked and pretended I didn't know you. I thought it was the right thing, but I was wrong. Being without you, Eren, is a worse hell than anything I experienced inside or outside those walls, or even in that damn underground city. I can't live without you, Eren. I've tried, and failed. So I'm here to right my wrongs."

Eren's heart began to race. "Levi Heichou... I... I can't bear life without you either. Those moments, even though they were hurried, they were the best times of my life. They were passionate, and full of love. Even though I didn't realise it at the time."

"Then let's go back to those moments. Let's live them again, Eren. Here in this world. Without those suffocating walls."

Eren could hardly believe what Levi was saying to him.

"Yes," he said, hope and love and passion and life filling his voice. He felt a wholeness engulf him. Being with Levi was intrinsic. He would die without him. Levi was his air; the blood in his veins; his life force. he was everything.

Eren, for the nineteen years he'd had this life, had been enduring an illusion of life. It had just been existence. Not life. Never life.

Only when he was with Levi, was he alive.

"Levi," Eren said, "when do we start?"

"When do we start? Anytime. Now, if you want."

A smile covered Eren's face, never leaving. "Now."

* * *

 

Levi could not control the words escaping from his mouth.

Did he care?

He didn't know. Not anymore.

All he knew was Eren.

Eren. Eren. Eren.

Bringing him out of his thoughts were hands in his hair and lips against his own. Eren pulled back a few seconds later, a blush dusting his cheeks. "Let's get out of here," he breathed.

Levi didn't even have to say yes.

They left the cafe and found a secluded corner of the street. it would have to do.

Their lips collided once again, and Levi put his hands in Eren's soft, mussed brown hair.

It was a storm of love and passion and everything else that made their relationship. For a moment, they were the only people in the world, and the only moment was the collision of their bodies together.

"Heichou," Eren breathed between kisses, "I missed you."

So did he, infinitely. No time would be enough to make up for all that they had lost.

Levi forgot everything for a moment. He'd forgotten how Eren could make him do that. Levi savoured his oblivion.

But it all suddenly crashed to a halt when, through the heat of their pressed together chests, Levi swore he felt Eren's heart stop.

He froze, terror surging through him like a wave of ice freezing him inside out.

No.

He quickly broke the kiss and looked up to Eren. Blood dripped red from blue lips, contrasting harshly with the ashen white of his skin.

Eren's eyes, previously sparkling and green and blue and gold, were now empty and lifeless and practically grey.

"Eren," he whispered, his hands slipping from their grasp in Eren's hair."Not... not again."

But Eren did not fall limp in his arms like last time, he still stood.

"L—Levi? What's going on?"

Corpses didn't speak. They did not speak. How? Was this just a sickening figment of his imagination?

No, Levi realised, once again looking at Eren to see the colour back in his cheeks, the life back in his eyes. His chest rose and fell and there was no blood dripping out his mouth. What he'd imagined was all of that.

Eren was alive. His heart still beat. Levi could feel it steadily doing so underneath his palm.

"I'm fine," Levi lied, dropping his hand from its purchase on Eren's chest.

That was all he didn't, didn't he? Lie to Eren.

* * *

Levi had said he was fine, but Eren knew for sure that he wasn't. After all, he'd seen Levi pale. He'd seen his eyes widen and his breaking hitch. He'd seen him stagger backwards a step, after breaking the kiss and letting him go. He'd felt his shaking fingers against his chest.

And most of all, he'd heard the words Levi uttered, so hoarse and scared, so uncharacteristic. Eren. Not... not again, he'd said. Not again. What had happened? What had Levi... seen?

Yes, that was it, he'd seen something. He'd seen something Eren couldn't.

"Are you sure?" Eren asked.

"It doesn't matter."

There Levi went again, brushing it off. But Eren knew it was futile; Levi would never tell him what had happened unless he wanted to.

"Let's..."

Eren's words were cut off by Levi's desirous lips crashing into his own. Eren was about to suggest they sit down and talk, but that was obviously out of the question now. Not that he minded. He could try and pry it out of him later.

There was something different about Levi's kiss now, it held yearning for something not near at hand, but far far away. Something that seemed to be lost. Though he savoured the sweet crash of their lips, Eren couldn't help but feel a pensive sadness wash over him. He longed to know what bothered Levi and to help him; talk to him. But there was no way he wouldn't be averse to it. That was just how he was. He'd never properly opened up to Eren, even back in those days.

But at least he finally had Levi here with him now. It had only been a few days since their last meeting, however, it felt like an eternity.

He hadn't even had to convince Levi. He'd come straight to him. What kind of miracle was that?

They broke apart, panting and breathless. The air was cold, clouding their breath and covering their skin in goosebumps.

"Do you... do you want to come to my house?" Eren asked without thinking.

Levi nodded once. With the look in his eyes, he too seemed caught up in the recklessness and spontaneity of their love. Their destined love.

Once again, Eren returned to those lonely days back there, where they breathed each other's breath and dreamt each other's dreams. Spontaneity had ruled then, and it still seemed to. Eren wasn't sure he'd ever get that settled feeling—that forever feeling.  
They were always just so caught up in the moment, never thinking forwards and certainly never thinking back.

But, Eren realised, that was all he'd wanted. The one moment where he and Levi lived as one. He wanted that moment to span eternity and infinity.

Would that feeling ever leave? Would their love always seem fleeting? They were soulmate, and being soulmates was something that transcended even lifetimes. It was eternal, in a way of being many moments put together, not one stretched out for eternity.

But their love had been born in a world of wrongness and transience. At any moment could everything have been pulled away in the instant of a moment.

And it had.

They'd crafted everything in knowing it was temporary and secret and only something to pass the time. But even then had it failed. Loneliness had turned from lust to passion to love.

And now—nothing was short-lived. They were soulmates, with the chance of spending eternity together.

Though how could they change the very essence of their love?

Could they become permanent?

"Eren," Levi whispered, as if it wasn't even meant for him to hear. "Don't leave me again."

Eren replied regardless. "I won't. Ever. I promise."

He hoped—prayed—he could stay true to his words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you enjoyed this, leaving a comment would be much appreciated! they inspire me to write faster and better.


	8. something like spontaneous love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Eren definitely get ahead of themselves this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I wrote this chapter.. am I getting ahead of myself and blaming it on Levi and Eren ? maybe  
> Oh well, here it is

They were a whirlwind. A tempest. They were a raging fire and the deepest ocean.

For a moment, they were one.

Eren felt that old impulsive heat that still lingered from before. He always did. Especially now; it felt new again. They were again caught in one moment, forever existing inside it. A moment where they were the only people on earth. In the universe.

They stumbled over Eren's threshold, lips barely breaking apart.

"Are you sure, Eren?" Levi breathed in his ear.

Eren gave a firm nod.

They'd done it in that life—only once. Nothing had happened in this world. Not with anyone else. Never with anyone else. Now, he realised: he had been waiting for Levi all this time without noticing.

Was it the same for Levi?

He didn't know. It hurt, strangely, even to the extent of anger, to think that Levi would be with someone else. Was that selfish? Or was it just the nature of being soulmates?

"Levi," Eren whispered. "Please."

Levi didn't bother saying yes. He did not need to.

The truth was there in kiss they shared.

* * *

They tumbled onto Eren's bed with a strange awkward grace—only originating from their mutual feelings. If they did not harbour love and passion to each other, it would only have been awkward.

Levi gave Eren one last look, seeking confirmation that it was all right.

Eren nodded. Levi needn't check so many times; he'd made his feelings clear when they'd first touched their lips. He was ready. After all, he loved him, didn't he?

Feelings like this, moments like this, they could only be born of love, he was sure of it.

Eren tangled his fingers in Levi's hair. He brought his mouth to his ear and said breathlessly, "please." The word was filled with yearning; with lust.

This was the intimacy that he craved.

From Levi's similarly breathless reply of "of course," it seemed that he shared Eren's feelings.

And then, in an instant, they were entangled and interlocked and _one_.

They resided in that single moment for however many that passed, like they always had.

They breathed each other's breath, they shared each other's space, they dreamt each other's dreams.

That moment lasted for eternity, or what seemed like it.

But it was a good eternity. One to be savoured.

In that eternal moment, Eren felt Levi. He felt every inch of him, in a way that he never had before in this life. He touched him, he drank him, he felt as if he knew every part of him.

And he did.

Even though they now resided in a different world with different bodies that looked the same, they were still Eren and Levi. And they always would be.

Nothing could ever change that.

Not Titans, not 50 metre walls, and not even death.

Their love would transcend everything.

Not just because they were soulmates. it was something more than that.

Eren lay, breathless and unclothed, next to Levi. A smile covered his face, and it never left.

Soon, sleep came over him. It was a gentle breeze of a sleep, taking his hand and whisking him away to a magical land that only existed within dreams. It was a land where Eren and Levi were the only people in the world and they had no problems, no responsibilities. It was a good world, though an utopia that could never exist within the real world, no matter how hard they tried.

But still a good world.

* * *

Night fell, and Eren slept peacefully. He lay with his head on Levi's chest, snoring softly.

Levi himself could not sleep. As usual. Some things didn't change. He stared up at the ceiling, eyes making strange patterns in the darkness. He could remember a time where he'd known nothing but the dark. Lying like this took him back to those days.

But, today, just as he was floating away, Eren's presence yanked him back to reality, hard. Levi was thankful for the tether.

He wondered if sleep would ever come to him. If it did, then it probably wouldn't be for a while yet. He would need to dwell inside his own thoughts for at least a couple of hours.

Levi glanced to Eren's sleeping form. Even though it was dark, he could still make out his closed eyelids, small smile and peaceful expression. Eren must have been dreaming a good dream. Levi hadn't had a good dream in years. Not since the day he'd remembered. He wondered, did Eren always dream happy dreams? Or since he'd remembered, had he been plagued by memories of the horrors that had occurred back then in and outside of the walls?

Before he could protest and or snap himself out of it, sleep came for Levi, too, like a clawing hand grasping at his consciousness.

And instead of a happy dream, he dreamt the one he always did.

The one where Eren died.

The rain fell torrentially, washing the blood in sickly trails over the ground. There were Titans approaching, their careless stomps vibrating through the earth. Levi was out of gas, blades, and a will to fight. He had nothing except for a cold, biting apathy. It was apathy for his own fate. He didn't care if he lived or died in the next coming moments. There was nothing on his mind but the limp figure of the one he... no. He couldn't say it. He couldn't say it anymore.

Eren was dead.

Dead. Dead. Dead. The word hung over everything, obvious in Eren's unmoving chest and the blood that had escaped from his abdomen and from between parted lips, blue with the colour of death.

In the wake of Eren's death, had come only nothingness. It was not the peaceful kind that Levi liked to think came with dying yourself, but the nothingness of having lost everything. It was a cruel, callous kind of nothing, and it showed mercy for no one.

Levi had grown accustomed to that nothingness.

But somehow he'd blinked and it had been replaced by the burning star that was Eren Jaeger. He'd filled all the voids in Levi's heart, for a little while.

And then, he too, became one with the nothingness, leaving those holes deeper and darker than they'd ever been.

Maybe Levi wanted to disappear into that nothingness himself and never come out himself. That must have been where the apathy came from.

He was tired of feeling. Of hurting, of hating, of loving. He was tired of it all.

All he wanted was the peaceful nothingness that Eren hopefully now knew.

That was why, after taking one last look at the cold, dead eyes of Eren and closing them gently, Levi finally gave up his fight and began to wait. He waited, and he accepted it. Death was inevitable, but it was also sudden and unexpected. Nobody knew when they were going to die, but they always knew that it would happen someday.

However, in that moment, Levi knew exactly the moment his death would be.

And he welcomed it with open arms.

It was fitting, for him to go the same way as so many others had. And comforting in a way.He could be with Eren and everyone else in that peaceful nothingness forever.

He would never have to care anymore.

One last thought flickered though Levi's mind as the light around him started to fade and all he could feel was pain.

_I love you, Eren._

It was the first time he'd thought those words; realised their truth.

And then, he felt no pain. He felt nothing. It was a good nothing.

One he savoured until the moment his eyes opened once again in another world.

* * *

Moonlight filtered through a gap in the curtains, surrounded by thousands of tiny, yet bright, lights.

That was the first thing Levi saw when he awoke, gasping and drenched in sweat.

All he could feel was the warm slick of blood on his hands, all he could hear was the sickening crunch of bones breaking. Death. It was all death.

Levi slowed his breathing, bringing himself back to reality. It was harder that night, since he was not in his own house.

"I'm in Eren's house," Levi whispered under his breath, hating that he had to reassure himself.

Without thinking, he brought a hand to his neck, feeling his pulse. It was there, all right, frantic and panicked from that dream. Levi was alive.

And so was Eren, sleeping beside Levi peacefully.

The dream had gone far tonight. Too far. It hadn't done that since the night after he'd remembered.

Levi slowly reminded himself why exactly he tried not to sleep. It was because, every time he slept, he would relive those moments again and again until he woke up.

Levi lay back down on his side, facing Eren. He gazed over at the boy, that peaceful expression still present on his face.

And then, for a moment, Levi thought Eren wasn't breathing. He saw blood trickling out from between his lips.

In a moment of panic, he shook Eren roughly.

When Eren awoke, rubbing his eyes and yawning, Levi realised he'd done it again. Imagined Eren dead.

It was probably residual images from his dream, or something.

"Levi... what's going on?" Eren asked, still half asleep.

"It's nothing, Eren," Levi replied. "Go back to sleep."

Eren obliged, beginning to snore again within only a few seconds.

Damn that kid, Levi thought. Eren slept so easily. He always had, even back in the walls. Levi didn't know how he could do it.

Levi kept his eyes away from Eren. He knew if he looked back, he would only see an illusion of him being dead once again. Damn, he hated beds. There was a reason he didn't sleep in one, but he'd forgotten and gone into Eren's. That was probably why his dreams had worsened and why every time he wasn't touching Eren's pulse, he thought he was dead.

Deciding enough was enough, Levi rose and left the bed. He needed to take his mind off everything, he needed to take a shower, and most of all, he needed find a way to erase the lingering image of Eren's lifeless body from his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would've been smut if I wasn't as innocent as I am and actually knew how to write that stuff. you can imagine it if you like haha
> 
> hope you guys liked this chapter! if you did, kudos and comments are much appreciated! also early merry Christmas to those who celebrate and early merry levimas to everyone !!!! lol


	9. finding forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi have a much needed talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sorry the update took so long!! hope you guys enjoy this new chapter :)

When Eren awoke to an empty bed, his heart sank like a stone. Levi was gone. Gone.

Had it all been a dream? A sick dream that had taunted him with only his innermost desires? There was no sign that Levi had ever been here, or that they had... well... you know. The bed was made, covers tucked carefully around Eren, instead of in the rumpled state he remembered it had been in. There was no indent in the pillow beside his own, either.

That made it even more evident that he'd dreamt everything.

But then he noticed the rest of the room. It was clean. Eren had never been that into cleanliness—not that he was dirty, but his floor was always covered in a layer of clothes and there was always at least three plates and chip bags on his bedside table. All of that was gone. His floor was clear and looked to have been vacuumed. His room practically sparkled.

Butterflies rose in Eren's stomach. "It wasn't a dream," he marvelled, so glad he could just about cry with relief.

"Oh, you're awake," came the familiar voice of Levi from his doorway.

Eren looked over, a smile spreading over his face. Levi looked tired and kind of pissed off—those things never changed, even in a different lifetime. It was strangely comforting. Levi was still the same. So was Eren. So was everyone else. Maybe it wasn't just love that had transcended worlds, it was everything. Though, if it was, then surely the bad things had followed them here too. That thought kind of scared him.

"Levi Heichou," he breathed.

"Eren," Levi said firmly, "we need to talk."

~~

Five minutes later, Levi and Eren were seated at Eren's freshly wiped kitchen table.

Eren was nervous to say the least; there had been something worryingly serious about Levi's tone of voice.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Eren, this won't work."

Eren's heart plummeted. No. Not after everything. Levi had come to Eren of his own accord. There was no way he could back out now. Eren would not be taken away from Levi again. "What do you mean? You can't be—you can't be breaking up with me. Wait, were we together in the first place?"

"Eren," Levi repeated. God, there was something about the way he said his name that caused the hairs on the back of Eren's neck to stand. "That's not what I mean."

Eren breathed in relief, while Levi continued on,

"What I mean is that this—this spontaneity won't work out. We were only drawn to each other because we were lonely and desperate as hell. It was never supposed to be love—not even an illusion of it. But that changed when you died, Eren. It changed and the next thing I knew I was here in this world, remembering my life back there. Before I knew it, it turned out we were soulmates. That ridiculous concept this world has that you have a destined lover from a far off land. Except that it's real. And now, after so many years, you've remembered. I tried so damn hard to keep away from you, to not bring this burden onto your shoulders. But it all turned into nothing but pointless effort when I met you again last week. I don't even know why the hell I bothered. I can't stay away from you, Eren. Not now that I've gotten a taste of what I was missing. But if we go on like this, acting like nothing's changed since those first days, it can never work out. It'll probably just end in death like the last time. That's why we should go slow and try and get some other kind of love. It's different here. The air—the people—you. Here there's that freedom we constantly sought, but died before we could get it. We don't have the looming fear that were about to be eaten, and there are no walls around us. Don't you think is about time for us to stop living in the past like this?"

Eren considered Levi's words. He spoke the truth—they would get nowhere with this. If they... restarted, so to speak, maybe they could finally find their forever, whatever that was. "I... agree."

"Good." Levi looked away, eyes glazing over. He was staring at something Eren couldn't see. "I'm not saying we should forget the past. We should remember it for what it was, and it can serve as a reminder. A reminder of how lucky we actually are here."

"I won't forget it, ever. I won't forget those moments we shared," Eren whispered. "Never."

"Me neither," Levi replied, a strange wistfulness in his voice.

"But... what will we do now, Heichou? How do we begin anew?"

"Didn't I say not to live in the past? With you calling me that I don't think we can do anything."

Realising his mistake, Eren sheepishly scratched his head. "Sorry. Old habits die hard, I guess."

"To your last question"—Levi reached into his pocket—"here." He handed Eren a neatly folded piece of paper.

Eren looked at it. Written on it in a neat penmanship was a phone number.

"You can start by putting that into your phone and texting me," Levi told Eren pointedly.

As Eren hastily programmed the number in, Levi got to his feet.

"Where are you going?" Eren asked.

"Home," Levi replied, making his way to the kitchen door. "You have class this morning, don't you?"

"Shit! I completely forgot!"

After checking the time on his phone, Eren discovered he only had twenty minutes before his first lecture. Dammit.

"You better hurry, Eren. Or else you'll be late."

"Yes, sir!" Eren said automatically.

"We aren't in the Survey Corps anymore. Theres no need for formalities like that."

"Yes—I mean, I know. It just slipped out."

"Bye, Eren."

"Hei—Levi, wait!"

Levi looked over his shoulder just as he was about to leave. "What is it?"

"One day soon we should, uh, go for a coffee—or tea!"

"Alright," was all Levi said before leaving Eren all alone in his overly clean apartment. He realised without Levi, it seemed overly empty in a way it never had before. Eren himself felt empty inside, like he was missing a part of himself that he never even knew he had before it was gone. That part of him, he knew, was Levi himself.

But, he took solace in the knowledge that he would see Levi again soon. He had his number now, for god's sake. That was definitely a good sign.

Eren thought back to Levi's words. It's different here. The air. The people. you. Here, there's that freedom we constantly sought.

Levi had never mentioned an I. Did that mean he considered himself unchanged. Was that, Eren wondered, a good thing?

And had he himself really changed? Eren didn't feel so, but maybe there were things he couldn't notice. 19 years not not remembering who you were could do things to a person.

Levi had remembered for nine, though. He'd had a lot of time to stew over things, but Eren had only had a few days.

Eren had noticed everything that was the same about things, whilst Levi noticed everything that was different. Was that in their gap in experience or their differences as people? He didn't know, it was just a strange thing to note.

And then, Eren remembered, he had a fucking lecture in fifteen minutes!

He swore several times as he dressed and gathered his things. When he finally left, he was sure he'd be late by at least ten minutes.

As Eren sprinted down the street, lungs burning, he couldn't take his mind off Levi. Off of Levi's words.

And Eren was sure of one thing: they could surely find their forever.


	10. lonely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi were too lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here is the chapter!! aren't you glad there isn't a huge wait for this one?? I'm glad I  
> didn't forget to update haha 
> 
> thanks to everyone who's commented and voted lately!! ily all <3 <3

Eren was actually fifteen minutes late for his lecture. Not ten.

By the time lunch came around, he was psychically and mentally exhausted. Mikasa and Armin looked at his hastily put together appearance and the dark shadows beneath his eyes.

"What happened?" Mikasa asked.

"What do you mean?" Eren asked, suddenly unable to think clearly.

"Did you meet with Levi Heichou?"

"Oh—yeah, I did."

"And what happened?" Armin asked, biting into his sandwich.

"We... uh... talked."

"Did he tell you the truth?"

"Yes. He... explained everything."

Mikasa raised her eyebrows.

"What else?" Armin pressed.

"We... we kissed.."

"And?"

"Well... uh..."

"What else happened?" There was a strange glint in Armin's eyes. Seriously, had he turned into Hanji or something? They ought to get together and talk about inappropriate questions.

"God, Armin! Are you trying to make me say that I fucked him? Because yes, I did!"

"You what?" Mikasa demanded.

"It just happened! It was just... the heat of the moment. Or something. Anyway, it's not important. What is important is that he gave me his number and I'm pretty sure agreed to going on a date with me."

"He didn't hurt you, did he Eren?"

"What? No he didn't, Mikasa. I'm fine."

Mikasa let out a breath. "Good. Because I'd kill him if he had so much as laid a finger on you. Soulmates or not."

That, Eren knew, was not an empty threat.

"What about you, Mikasa? How're you doing after... remembering?" he asked.

"I'm fine," Mikasa stated.

"You haven't seen Annie again or—?"

"What? No. And I don't intend to do so." She lowered her voice so only Eren could hear, "I can't love her, Eren. If I did I think I would hate myself."

"You know," Eren said, "I hated myself for loving Levi Heichou. Because why the hell would he love some annoying brat like me? But somehow, I don't know how, things changed, and he actually started to like me back. I know that what Annie did back there was unforgivable. Hell, she killed my comrades—my friends—right in front of my eyes. But this is another life. Everything is different. Annie too. I bet she's just as scared as you are, maybe of herself. If you actually feel something, you should just go for it. Why waste time trying to change something you can't change?"

Mikasa and Armin looked at him with matching bemused expressions.

"Eren... when did you get so wise?" Armin marvelled.

"Wise?" Eren repeated. Okay, maybe something had changed in him after all. "I—I don't know."

"Thank you, Eren," Mikasa whispered.

From the look in her eyes, Eren could tell he'd actually made her consider it.

~~

Eren's thumbs hovered over the his phone keyboard as he tried to think of a good thing to text Levi with.

"Hello" had been the first the first thing he'd typed, but he'd backspaced it, thinking it sounded too formal.

"Hey" had been his second attempt—but he'd deleted that too, after the verdict of it sounding too causal.

Eventually he decided on "hi," thinking it was a good meet in the middle.

Hi. About the coffee/tea we were gonna have, what day is good for you?

Levi's reply was prompt. Any day but Monday.

Saturday, then? I don't have classes that day.

Saturday's fine.

Eren's heart leapt. Only two days. Two days until he saw Levi again. it didn't even seem soon enough, and that scared him.

Great. Where do you wanna meet up, then?

I know a place. I'll text you the directions tonight.

Eren smiled, typing up a reply.

~~

Ok. See you then Levi. can't wait!! :D

Levi scowled at the emoticon Eren had sent him. He did not understand why people used a D and a colon to represent happiness. It was kind of endearing though, he supposed, but hated himself after that thought.

"What's that on your phone that's making you grin like an idiot at? Could it be Eren?" came an annoying voice over his shoulder.

Levi scowled at Hanji. "I was not grinning."

"Maybe not on the outside, but I can tell when you're doing it internally."

Levi chose to ignore that statement. "How the hell did you get in here, shitty glasses?  
I thought I confiscated your key."

Hanji smiled manically, brandishing a hairpin.

Levi gritted his teeth. He was going to kill her for sure. Right now, if possible. The sooner the better.

~~

Eren had never admitted it, but he always used to watch Levi from afar. Sometimes it was during cleaning duties that he'd sneak a look, immediately turning his head away once Levi noticed he was staring. Other times he'd watch Levi in action as he skilfully cut down Titan after Titan after Titan. Eren had always been in awe of his skills, even if Levi's swords might one day lead to Eren's downfall.

Eren didn't quite know the moment when his infatuation first began, but it was certainly even before he'd even spoken to with Levi face to face, or known anything about his personality. Back before Eren joined the survey corps, he used to watch them depart on missions. Or rather—watch Levi. He'd always looked so noble atop his horse that Eren couldn't help but be intrigued. It had just got worse since then, especially when Eren had got the chance to actually join Levi's squad.

After a while, it had got the point where Eren was having trouble keeping it inside him. To make matters worse, Levi seemed to have started to catch on.

One sleepless night, Eren and Levi had sat the dining table in survey corps HQ in silence. It had become a strange ritual, ever since those nights following the loss of Levi's original squad. This night was no different, except for the fact that they'd just returned from another mission and this was Eren's first night out of confinement. Well, it shouldn't have been.

For some reason, Eren decided to break their usual silence. He wasn't sure if it was because he felt guilty for what had transpired back then, or for some ulterior motive, but he'd spoken anyway.

"Heichou—I'm sorry for how I acted back there. I was completely out of line."

"It's nothing," Levi had replied in a low voice, eyes trained on his teacup. "The decision was ultimately mine to make. There's no use apologising for arguing against something that didn't happen in the end."

Their conversation was left at that, the strangely suffocating silence enshrouding them once more. That was, until, Levi spoke up again: "Eren, I've noticed how you've always looked at me."

At those words, Eren's heart almost stopped. Oh god. What the hell would Levi do? Maybe Eren was misunderstanding, but what else could he mean but that? "Heichou—what do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, you idiot."

A blush began to spread over Eren's features. Of course he fucking knew. But couldn't admit it. He didn't know how to. He didn't want to face Levi's reprimands.

"Are you lonely, Eren?"

What kind of a question was that? Of course he was. Jesus chirst, he was so lonely. And he didn't know why. "I—"

"I'm lonely. I'm so fucking lonely, Eren."

Eren wondered if he'd heard right. Just what in the walls had come over Levi? Was this a dream, maybe? It couldn't be real. It couldn't.

Even if it was, he would cling onto this moment.

"So am I," he breathed.

"Then what are we waiting for?"

"He—Heichou, what are you talking about?"

"Eren, we're both lonely, and if we regret it—we're both going to die any day soon. Eren"—Levi leant forward—"do you love me?"

"Of course not!" Eren replied quickly, though he was not sure if it was the truth or not.

"Then—kiss me."

For the third time, Eren wondered if he'd heard Levi right. But only this time, he didn't care. Some part of him that was lonely and desperate acted out and pushed his lips to Levi's. He was right, they were going to die soon, after all. Why shouldn't he live in the moment and act spontaneous?

Eren and Levi remained entangled, returning to each other's arms each night.

Every time he felt their lips touch, Eren swore he didn't love Levi.

He swore until he could no longer.

Until he screamed Levi's name and then fell into an indiscernible darkness.

It was only he opened his eyes in another world that he realised that it really was.


	11. forever in only a moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi gives into old habits and Eren makes some remarkable discoveries.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you all enjoy this chapter! <33

Time was a strange thing. Some moments felt as if they lasted no time at all, yet some felt as if they could never end. There were also those where everything could happen at once and leave everything changed. It was always after those moments that you realised how you'd taken everything for granted before you lost it, and that there was no way you could ever get it back. That was the harshness of reality.

Eren pondered upon these thoughts as his eyelids fluttered open. Sunlight escaped between his curtains. For the second time in two days, he was hit with a wave of emptiness. That, he thought, would never stop unless his bed no longer held one person. Every inch of him itched to feel Levi again. That night they'd shared hadn't been enough. If they were apart, it never could be. That scared Eren slightly. He never used to think he could feel so strongly towards a person. He'd had crushes before, yes, but a few stolen glances at Armin when he was thirteen were virtually incomparable to the uncontrollable feelings he held for Levi. They had been a thing locked away inside him for nineteen years, and now that they had been set free, they'd begun to overtake him completely. That too—was terrifying.

Eren rose and dressed, his motions languid and lazy. He didn't want to go to class. There was too much on his mind to focus on anything. Not necessarily bad stuff—but stuff. Stuff was a word synonymous to Levi.

But still, he forced himself onwards. He couldn't let his life be consumed by this. He would see Levi tomorrow and that was that. He ought to be satisfied with that fact.

However, he wasn't.

...

The night air ruffled Levi's hair and sent unwanted chills down his spine. His breath clouded in front of him, and the only sound was his feet hitting the road rhythmically.

He'd sworn he wouldn't do this again, but he'd felt the urge return from the moment he'd opened his eyes early that morning. It was because of Eren that his bad habits were returning.

Not that it was Eren's fault—but this, Levi thought, would be the price he'd pay for allowing himself to stay by Eren's side. He would fall back into his old ways again, like he had done when he'd been younger and more volatile with terrifying memories surging through his mind at every moment of his waking.

Levi had grown unaccustomed to peace and freedom and no looming threat of death. That was the strange thing about him, he was like a fish out of water. All of his instincts screamed fight, fight! But what was there to fight against? Where were the titans? Gone. Gone. Nonexistent.

It was cruel, that back there all he'd wanted was to be freed from its hell, and yet bow he'd actually got that, he couldn't survive without it. It wasn't that he missed it—God no—it was that ever since he'd been born into that world, he had fought. He'd fought for himself; for his own life, for his friends, for humanity. And now... now there was nothing to fight for but his own release.

That was why he'd started doing what he was about to do.

It was not a solution, instead it was far from it, but it gave him a momentary rush. He needed something to distract him from that image he saw every time he closed his eyes—that image of Eren, lifeless with blood dripping from his mouth. He needed to release some of that pent up rage he had, along with those unbearable feelings of helplessness he'd started to get lately.

Levi emerged from the shadows and into the floodlit car park. He surveyed it carefully. It was empty, save for one car and two figures with their hoods up. He breathed in through his teeth and stepped forward, wondering offhandedly if he was going to regret it by morning.

...

As Eren exited his lecture hall—headed to lunch—he heard a  familiar voice call his name.

He turned around to see his friend Sasha, who was bouncing on the balls of her feet with a strangely urgent look in her eyes.

"Sasha?" he asked, a little surprised to see her here in this place at this time. It was lunchtime, after all. She was usually glued to the cafeteria eating out all the day's meal deals.

"Eren! Come quickly!" she panted.

"What is it?"

"Big trouble. You need to come quickly."

"What's going on?" Eren questioned, anxiety working its way into his voice.

"There's no time to explain. Hurry!"

Sasha grabbed his wrist before he could say anything else and pulled him down the corridor. He realised after a few seconds that she was pulling him towards the cafeteria.

When they finally reached it, Eren was resting his hands on his knees and breathing heavily. Seriously, he needed to run more.

"Sasha," he wheezed, "can you just tell me what this is about."

"I can tell you now, Eren. We're safe."

Safe? Eren scanned the room, looking for any signs of trouble. He saw none, but what he did see was all of his friends sitting at a table by the window. None of them looked to be in any distress.

"What is it, then?"

"There's a deal on—if there's a group of more than eight people then our food has 25% off! Since there were only seven of us, I had to get you to make up the numbers."

Eren's shoulders sagged. "Jesus christ, I thought something bad had actually happened."

Sasha gave a smile. "It could've. The deal runs our at 2 and it's 1:45."

Eren groaned, making his way over to the table everyone else was at and slumping down on a chair beside Armin.

Armin gave a nervous laugh. "Sorry about that," he said sheepishly. "We should have known Sasha would do something like that when we nominated her to get you. What did she say?"

"'There's big trouble!'" Eren groaned. "Whose idea was it to sent her?"

"Jean's," Armin replied.

"Of fucking course it was." Eren glared at Jean across the table, who was stuck in some conversation with Connie about who the hell knows. "The horse-faced bastard."

Jean, having seemingly overheard Eren's words of spite, looked over at Eren with something he probably thought was a menacing glare. "Huh? What the hell did you just say about me?"

"I said you were a horse faced bastard," Eren retorted.

Jean stood, reaching over the table and grabbing onto the front of Eren's shirt. "I dare you to say that to my face again, you suicidal maniac!"

Eren got a hold on Jeans hands and tried to wrench then off of him. "You're a horse faced bastard."

Jean growled, releasing his hands from Eren and attempting to swing a punch at Eren's face. But Eren managed to dodge away from it, shoving his own fist at Jean. Instead of coming into contact with his stupid horse face,though, it stopped in mid air, a vice like grip on Eren's arm, preventing it from moving forwards.

"Stop it," came the voice of Mikasa.

Eren gritted his teeth and yielded, slumping down in his chair. there was no way he could compete with the strength of Mikasa. And neither could Jean.

"You know," Eren muttered to himself as he looked down at the menu, "cheap food doesn't sound all that bad."

...

Once they'd all ordered their food and were just about to dig in (well, Sasha was already half way through her baked potato with extra cheese), Connie asked Eren a strange question.

"Eren, you know, you and Mikasa have been different lately."

"What the hell do you mean, Connie?" Eren asked, though he knew full well why that was. He didn't know whether or not he wanted to tell everyone else about him having remembered. Maybe not until he and Levi were... something different.

"There's just... a look your eyes that wasn't there before, that's all."

"Eren and I are fine," Mikasa cut over him.

"Huh, Connie, you're kind of perceptive. I thought you were supposed to be an idiot," Jean commented, which led to a light punch in the arm from Marco.

"What? Since when was I supposed to be an idiot?" Connie questioned.

"Since you were born," Jean said. "That's your character type. Whereas I'm the prince in shining, shining armour atop a white steed."

"More like you're the steed," Eren said.

"What?" Jean questioned, but a death glare from Mikasa seemed to halt any of his intentions to actually punch eren this time.

"I am not an idiot," Connie stated, seemingly still caught up on it.

"Yes you are," Sasha told him. "But you're my idiot." She brought her lips to his cheek and gave him a potato-y kiss, leaving several crumbs when she pulled away.

"What?!"Eren almost screeched.

There was no way. No way in hell.

Were Sasha and Connie....

Soulmates?

...

Once he'd finished lunch, Eren bid farewell to his friends and left the table, heading for his next lecture. He was still getting used to the idea of Sasha and Connie being, well, that. Never once would he have considered them being soulmates. But wait—why hadn't they told him? As far as he knew, Sasha and Connie had met back in first year when they'd both made a dash for the last slice of pizza at lunchtime (which Sasha had, obviously, won). Had that been when they'd remembered? If so—why hadn't they spoken up about it? As far as Eren had known, they'd just been friends. Not soulmates.

Jean and Marco had met at the beginning of the year when they'd bumped into each other at a lecture they shared and remembered everything. After that, Jean had introduced Marco to everyone and said that they were soulmates.

Just why would Sasha and Connie—probably the most open people in their group—keep quiet about this?

"Eren," came Sasha's voice from behind him. Speak of the devil.

"Yeah?" he replied, turning to look over his shoulder at her.

"You—you've remembered, haven't you?" she asked. "Connie was right, wasn't he?"

"I—," Eren struggled to find the words. "Yeah. I have. And you... you remembered too? Connie is your soulmate?"

"Yes," Sasha said honestly. "But we didn't realise it at first. Our memories have been coming back slowly, gradually. It was only when I told Connie about them last week and he said he was getting the same that we realised. After that... we decided to just go for it."

"Oh," Eren said, everything clicking into place. "I'm happy for you. Honestly."

Sasha gave a smile. "Thank you. And you? whos your soulmate?"

"Levi—Levi Heichou."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah."

"And are things going well? Uh, between you."

A smile spread over Eren's features. "Yeah. Yeah, they are. Better than I ever could've imagined."

"That's good. And Mikasa? She—she's remembered too?"

Eren nodded briefly. "Yeah. But things haven't gone so well. Her soulmate is Annie."

"Annie? Oh god."

"Yeah... she's refusing to even meet with her."

"I don't really blame her. Annie was always scary."

"I don't think it's just that."

"Oh. Yeah, I understand. The things Annie did." Sasha gave an awkward laugh. "Wow. All of us have found our soulmates except Armin and Christa. I wonder if they'll find theirs soon."

"Maybe."

Eren didn't know whether he wanted anyone else to remember. Those things that happened, those things they'd seen, he wouldn't wish them on anyone. Not even that horse faced bastard.

Definitely not Armin and Christa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you like this then leaving a comment would be much appreciated! or even just giving a kudos. any support motivates me to write and update faster and more often :)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh sorry this took a while! i'll try to get the next one up quicker

Shit.

Levi dabbed his nose with an almost saturated tissue.

He hadn't meant to get hit, but he'd been distracted. Enough so that he'd got a punch to the nose and a kick to the shin. The latter wasn't that bad—just a bruise—but the second hurt like hell.

Though at least it wasn't broken, he supposed.

Levi winced at the bloodied tissue and dropped it into the waste, replacing it with a clean one.

He hated blood. Damn it, he hated it. And not just because it was dirty.

It was because of that day that he could never forget. Of course it was—everything nowadays seemed to relate to that day. Levi wished that there was some way that he could just forget it and be done.

But nothing was ever that easy.

And if he was with Eren now, it didn't even matter. What mattered was that Eren was alive and breathing here.

Though he still couldn't get those images out of his head.

It was funny, how the thing he'd done to try to forget it for just a moment had ended up making it worse. As soon as he'd seen the blood on his fist and on the unnamed man he'd met with' face, he'd frozen. And that had been when he'd been kicked in the shin and punched in the nose.

Wasn't he supposed to be humanity's strongest soldier? He wasn't supposed to be kicked around like this, especially not because he was distracted.

But that was a lifetime ago.

Maybe—though he'd never admitted it—he was different here. Maybe some part of hadn't come back to life, and that was the part of him that he needed the most.

"Leeeviiiii," came the annoying voice of his not friend.

This is not the time, shitty glasses, he thought.

"I thought I told you to stay out of my house," he growled, keeping his back to her as she entered his living room.

"Oh please, your threats don't scare me, Levi."

"Well they should, because I'm not kidding around. I mean every word."

"I know that," Hanji replied, plopping into the seat next to him, "but I'm still not afraid." Her eyes drifted over his bruised and bleeding state. "What happened?" An edge of concern edged her words that made Levi grit his teeth. "You—started doing that again? You got hit?"

"I got distracted," Levi forced out. He didn't want to tell her any of the details; did not want any of her pity. "There's been a lot of shit on my mind. I needed a release."

"Other than your mopping sessions?"

"The mopping is a necessity. Not a release."

Hanji merely grinned at his statement. "And you're meeting your lover tomorrow. What will he think when he sees you all battered like that?"

"Eren and I have fought our fair share of battles together, and with you too. Even though you don't remember. He won't give a damn. We've all seen worse."  Involuntarily, Levi saw the grass slick and stained with bright, red blood. How it dirtied his hands and how he could never, ever wash it off. He saw Eren's limp, prone state before him. Saw his face, pale and lifeless. Levi immediately swallowed these thoughts and reproached himself for letting his mind drift back.

He looked up to Hanji, whose face was etched with an emotion Levi couldn't discern. It could have been bemusement or that same concern, or maybe it was hurt. Maybe he'd sounded malicious when he'd said those words—like he resented her for not remembering that world. He didn't. In fact, he rather envied her for not having to shoulder such burdens. But it wasn't like he would tell her that.

But what struck him as strange was that his words had affected her.Ususally Hanji didn't care about whatever insults he threw at her. If he thought over everything he'd ever said to provoke her, piss her off, or just because he couldn't muster up the energy to be remotely pleasant.

Hanjis expression changed to something far off and almost forlorn. "I wish I could remember. I wish I remembered everything about those things—those amazing things—the Titans. I wish I could remember all the discoveries I made." Oh—so that was what that'd been.

"Trust me," Levi said grimly. "You don't."

~

Eren awoke Saturday morning with his heart pounding and his stomach filled with butterflies—both nervous and excited. He was finally going to see Levi again. He nearly jumped for joy, and smiled with a joy he hadn't had in months, years even, as he dressed in his most nondescript clothes and forced down a bowl of soggy cereal.

He left the house with a spring in his step, grin never leaving his face.

The day was cool, bracing even. He sucked in a lungful of the air, letting it burn his throat with its icy coolness. In two hours he would meet with Levi again. In two hours he would see his face, hear his voice—the one that haunted his dreams every night.

He pulled his phone from his back pocket and typed a message to Levi.

see u later! it read.

He put it back in his pocket, deciding to wait a while before checking to see if he'd got a reply. Though, despite that, his fingers itched to pull his phone back out, to check to see if a response had arrived. Even though Levi's replies were always sparsely worded and blunt.

As Eren arrived at the cafe he would he eating lunch with Mikasa and Armin at, he could barely hold in his excitement. His heart pounded, but he had to admit there was a little bit of trepidation mixed in there.

~~

Mikasa and Armin had looked at Eren with raised brows for the entire meal, no doubt sensing his anticipation.

He left the cafe with half an hour before the arranged time he'd meet with Levi. By that time, he butterflies in his stomach had worsened—even to the point where he wasn't sure if they were even butterflies anymore.

He glanced at his phone—finally—to check for a reply. Sure enough, there was a five minute and old text from Levi.

I left. Be punctual.

dont worry, Eren texted back, i will :)

Eren's grin widened at that. Levi was close. So close. His heart pounded so much that he feared for his own health. Something deep in him knew he'd spent the nineteen years he'd been alive searching for something—and finally he'd found it. It being Levi Ackerman.

It was strange how it felt like it'd been so long since he'd seen him last, when it had only been a few days. He remembered that night they'd shared entwined together, those kisses they'd shared, both chaste and sensual. He thought of the scrape of Levi's tongue as it entered his mouth, of Levi's hands in Eren's hair, and their bodies pressed so close together they might've been one. Every part of Eren wanted to do it again; to feel Levi again. But he knew they needed to take things slower. They couldn't just jump into the deep end without first learning how to swim.

Eren followed the directions to the tea shop they would meet at that Levi had sent him the night before. As he entered a narrow, empty street, he realised he hadn't been in this part of town before. It was peaceful, he thought. The streets were tidy and organised, and it was the exact kind of place he could imagine Levi in.

He turned down onto the street the shop was supposed to be on, according to the directions.

The tea shop was unexpectedly... pretty. A basket of blooming daffodils hung from a bracket above the door, and the sign was painted a minty green.

But his attention was completely dragged away from the tea shop when he saw who leant against the wall beside it, arms crossed and scowling at the pavestones.

Eren almost ran over, almost shaking with an almost terrifying joy.

Levi looked up to him, scowl easing into something more amiable—at least by Levi's standards. Eren hadn't seen him give anyone else a look like that, and it made him feel lucky in a way. Like this side of Levi was his and his alone.

When Eren saw Levi's face in detail, he stopped in his tracks. Underneath where Levi's hair touched his brow, there was an angry purple bruise. On the bridge of his nose, a scabbed over cut contrasted against his pale skin.

"You're hurt," Eren breathed.

Levi's eyes slid to the building in front of him. "I got caught up in something. But I'm fine."

"But—"

"Eren." The way he said his name made Eren's knees go weak and his breathing shallow. "You don't need to worry about me. It's nothing."

Eren tried—tried–to swallow the concern that had overtaken his mind. What had happened? Had Levi got into a fight? Surely it'd been... serious if Levi had come out like this. He was humanity's strongest soldier, after all. Nothing could touch him.

The fact he knew Eren couldn't forget it was evident in Levi's eyes. "Eren, please."

Please. Eren forced a smile. "If you say so."

"Let's go in."

Eren nodded and followed Levi into the tea shop.


End file.
